I was recently looking at the AFI's 100 years...100 Movies, and while i agree with some of the things listed (except for obvious gripes such as the Godfather being #2 and not #1 above Citizen Kane), I have come to believe that these people have made major omissions in the list, especially in the top five! So now, for all of you good folks out there, I will redo a proper top five list. Now remember, this is not simply a list of my top five favorites, that would be misleading and masturbatory. These five were chosen based purely on there intense and unmatched cinematic value.
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie- Never has a movie been translated from another medium so well onto the silver screen. The acting is brilliant and it ushered in new stars (like a young and handsome Sam Rockwell oozing bad boy appeal as "Head Thug"that would be later seen in Charlie's Angel's) as well as having seasoned vets that should have won Oscars by now like Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello ( don't get me started on the Academy's snubbing of the well deserved best supporting actor nomination he should have received for his role as one of the Frog bothers in Lost Boys or the even more egregious error made when he didn't receive a statue for the untamed laugh riot Licence to Drive).
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie- Never has a movie been translated from another medium so well onto the silver screen. The acting is brilliant and it ushered in new stars (like a young and handsome Sam Rockwell oozing bad boy appeal as "Head Thug"that would be later seen in Charlie's Angel's) as well as having seasoned vets that should have won Oscars by now like Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello ( don't get me started on the Academy's snubbing of the well deserved best supporting actor nomination he should have received for his role as one of the Frog bothers in Lost Boys or the even more egregious error made when he didn't receive a statue for the untamed laugh riot Licence to Drive).
Feldman (left)
Ahh the face that says "I see your
beautiful lips and i want to kiss them"
While I know some people will say that this movie doesn't deserve to be on the list because it didn't openly address some of the major moral or political issues of the time, let me ask you this: isn't the defeat of Shredder symbolic of the surrender of Noriega? Isn't the collapse of the Foot Clan a little reminiscent the collapse of the Soviet Union? When Splinter was freed from the clutches of the Foot Clan, were you not reminded of Nelson Mandela's release from Victor Verster Prison? If your answer is a definitive "no, you, Mighty Horse, must be a complete moron" then let me cordially invite you to firmly grasp both ass cheeks as to gain better leverage in order to remove your head from its position within your ass. Furthermore, for the insult, may you use your new found vision to locate a rake and become biblically acquainted with the unforgiving end. Now that we have all of that nastiness behind us, we can move along and grow from such an intimate experience, back to discussing the move. With such a vast canon to work with between the cartoon and the comic books, the movie stays true to the nature and the essence of what makes a turlte such a great ninja, without bogging themselves down in details in order to placate fanboys. With insightful dialogue, climax inducing cinematography, hot action sequences, we're talking Anne Bancroft hot (think The Graduate looks with the experienced caress of Heartbreakers). On yeah plus it has FUCKING TURTLES WHO ARE NINJAS THAT LOVE PIZZA. I put this in bold because it is the most important point and summarily trumps any counter-argument to the aforementioned points.As my genius is in need of rest, the rest of the list will be made on later posts. Feel free to post comments though they will only be met with admonishment, contempt, or responses on how you are a complete helmet wearing, cranially corpulent retard and will be rebuked accordingly.
Wine Wisdom of the Day: A wine can never be described as "not sweet, but not dry either" since that is a physical and chemical impossibility. Dryness denotes a lack of sweetness. If you find yourself with the urge to refer to it as such, please feel free to avert your urge to speak by lighting yourself on fire via vigorous frictional activity involving sandpaper and grain alcohol or any other similar activities.
